God Put Me Through Beauty School

Ugh….WAITING! WAITING for your soul mate to show up….Waiting for someone to say, ‘You’re hired’……Waiting on some kind of spark to bring you to life again….Waiting for that person to change….Waiting for everything to run smoothly for once, Waiting for the microwave to beep…WAITING, waiting, waiting….

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

You might be thinking, “Yeah but for how long? I’ve been waiting for years ….in some cases…all my life.” Ok and realistically sometimes a few minutes or a whole half a day!:)

But no matter how optimistic, “spiritual” or “strong” we are, we have those days we’re just sick and tired of waiting! I wonder if God can relate? I wonder if sometimes we’re really not waiting at all but Running as fast as we can in the wrong direction?…just to be moving?…just to be doing Something?

I wonder if, in fact, God is WAITING on Us?

So a lively, free-spirited friend of mine was going to bust if she didn’t have a summer ADVENTURE. Much to her Dismay….NOTHING was really working out but she felt like God was telling her He had something special for her. Even though she tried to venture out on her own a few times, ultimately, she surrendered and chose to wait on God wholeheartedly. During this process, I watched her go through a “boot camp” of life lessons and grow quickly. Then, on a casual, adventure-free day, she had eyes to see something New. She knew in her heart it was the “something special” from God. This adventure didn’t require a plane ticket because it was in her own neighborhood. It might not have been what she was expecting but it was Much Better. It was also something that had been there all along but she never really noticed it. I believe God didn’t give her eyes to see it until she was ready. I was inspired by this because I could see the wisdom and perfection of God’s timing. He wants to give a Good gift and maybe sometimes we have to learn a few things in the meantime. Maybe we need to grow from the little trials in front of us first. Otherwise, the gift might not even be a blessing. I believe God protects us so we don’t ruin our own good gifts….like pouting before a surprise birthday party because you thought everyone forgot about you. ooooo Just wait …. it’s gonna be worth it!

Isaiah 64: 3-5: For when you did AWESOME things that we did not expect, you came down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. You come to the help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways.

He is waiting on you to Remember Him….He wants your attention. He wants you to be ready….so he can give you an AWESOME gift…it’s all part of the Beautiful Adventure.

So maybe God relates to the pain we feel when we have no choice but to WAIT. He wants to give us unbelievable gifts and he’s not ignoring our needs nor our heart’s desires. He’s waiting. Waiting until the gift will be a blessing and not a curse. So, again, just maybe in all of our inner grumbling about having to Wait on God and thinking he’s taking FOREVER….maybe God’s actually waiting on Us.

It might not always be the case…but God I pray today we would stop and surrender. Instead of trying to manipulate our circumstances or expect the other person to change….God help Us to change. Help us to draw closer to you. Help us to remember your ways. And for those of us weary in well doing…help us to let You be the strong one. Help us grow a little more this week. Help us to see you in Heaven dying to give us a good gift:))

Pearls of Wisdom=True Beauty (from my niece Kelli): Don’t try to be so strong on your own. Give God your fear.
“He makes all things new. There isn’t room for perfectionism because God is already the perfect one and he doesn’t require that of you. He wants you to listen to him. Let him be the perfect one and let him make all things new”

I know I told you I was going to write about wisdom next ….shoot….I haven’t forgotten about it.
Hugs and Love
Missy

After a good talk and prayer time with my mom… I was ready to start the 6th day of my Faith Walk Adventure. I have been amazed at how God is answering prayers and I’ve seen His hand at work in the lives of my friends and family. So with great enthusiasm, I gathered up several “hearts” to go with me today. This prayer walk isn’t just for me. It’s like I’m representing many of my loved ones as I bring my prayers before God.

There was, however, this um….eeeensy….weeeeensy…..just barely there….thought that somehow made it through my “this is wrong” sensors: “What about me, God? What about answering my prayers?” AWWWHHH…why is our nature so naturally stinky! But I didn’t pay any more attention to it and I started my walk.

The first thing that came to mind was a butterfly. God has given me a lot of visuals about a butterfly struggling against the cocoon in order to have the strength to one day fly. For the first time, I saw that I was Free from the cocoon and I was fluttering around the very Heart of Love and Beauty. It was such a happy, carefree visual and I could clearly see the blessing of being at such a place….even though it’s a place of Waiting. I was listening to this song called Wait Upon the Wind by Jason Upton and I felt assured that I would fly. I was just waiting for the right current to carry me. There will be a wind current just for me.

Jason Upton: Wait Upon the Wind

“I will wait upon the wind…I want you to carry me like you promised you would do. I can’t climb the wall all by myself. Carry me… Let me fly…I want to fly…let me fly…I need to fly. I will wait upon the wind….. I will wait upon the wind….” “so I wait on you o God..with my wings spread out…I wait….I know you’ll carry me with your gusts that are coming….”

As I continued walking, the “what about me” question seemed to come before the Lord. I sensed all the prayers, words and thoughts part like the red sea and there was a clear path to the Presence of God speaking a direct word to me, ………………..”Ask.” ……………..I sensed in my heart God was asking ‘what is it that you want?…ask.” and then silence….he was waiting. Ok, do I run for cover? repent? Say it wasn’t me? Beg for mercy? But I sensed that God really wanted to know the answer. I thought about King Solomon in the Bible asking for wisdom. Well, I did that for a decade. The next decade I asked to be closer to God….but now…I was on the spot and I needed to figure out exactly what it is that I want. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long…….”Breakthrough.” ……..That’s what I’m asking for God….Breakthrough. I didn’t feel the need to figure out the ‘how’ or in what way breakthrough should come. Just breakthrough. I also knew this wasn’t just about me. I came before the heart of God on behalf of all the hearts I took with me today! So I asked God for breakthrough in your life too!

My mom pointed me to the scripture Isaiah 58:6:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Wow! (by the way, one of my friends sent me a scripture from this same chapter yesterday). What a confirmation that God heard my prayer, ‘what about me’? and he was ok with it:) “The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose water never fail” Isa 58:11

I got back from my walk and sat down to start writing out my thoughts. Once again my niece called me. God set her free this week but walking it out is difficult. I was praying so much she wouldn’t feel so ‘heavy’ today. I was hoping God would give her even a taste of the amazing calling he has on her life.

LO AND BEHOLD SHE CALLS TO SAY…..”AUNT MISSY I HAD A BREAKTHROUGH TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!”

She said to me, “I anticipated heartbreak but God made my heart resilient without being bitter. He kept my heart close to Him even though I thought I was so far away from him. Instead of tears, God put laughter in my heart …I already cried ..it’s time to laugh!!

She was laughing and full of joy and when I told her about the breakthrough prayer, she said, “O now God’s just showing off.” hahaha

I told Kelli having the understanding that it’s POSSIBLE for God to make your heart resilient instead of bitter is POWERFUL! THIS WILL REACH MANY, MANY PEOPLE AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LIVES! How amazing to see her walking around with a new pearl of wisdom! How beautiful it looks on her. She’s stepping in to her calling…to the beautiful woman God made her to be!

Thank you God that YOU ARE GOOD! Thank for all the ways you fill our lives with BEAUTY. Thank you for the pearl of Wisdom Kelli gave us today! Just one more beautiful treasure…. We love you!

One more day to this walking fast!

I want to leave you with another pearl of wisdom from my friend Bobbie. She added this comment, “humility is the most underrated power we possess…” Wow…this is something to think about!!! Thanks for sharing BEAUTY!
Love and Hugs-

There were three parts to today’s Faith Walk Adventure: Humble yourself, move forward, and boldly say thanks.
Dying Star by Jason Upton

I started listening to this song and the lyrics: “Star how beautiful you shine…you shine more beautiful than mine….worldwide is your strategy …. but shining star I hope you see…if the whole wide world is staring at you …they can’t see me……. I want them to know me…but they can’t see me….” God wants His Love to be known. It’s His love that sets people free! I immediately cried out to God for a clean heart. I want His love to shine in my life. I want His freedom to be written on my forehead, His Love on my hands and His beauty on my heart. Forgive me God….

Then, I thought of the vulture I saw on yesterday’s walk. It was a vulgar scene! Gross. Ugly. These were the words that came to me: “You’ve been looking at the “ugly” things. (pain, setbacks, rejection, failures). Start looking ahead to the blessings God has for you…to the amazing Love story He has for you. Don’t look back more than you have to. You are not attached to the vulture. You’re free. The ties have been cut. God took the handcuffs off…and you are free to walk away and you are free to stay. Lord, continue to give us vision of your Love so we don’t think twice about hanging around a vulture. RUN into God’s beauty. Run! Run into the Light!”

Near the end of my walk I started praying for loved ones. I started off, “Please Lord would you help…..Please Lord would you provide….Please Lord…” I felt a boldness rise up in me and I immediately changed my prayer to: “Thank you God for your help TODAY!
Thank you for breakthrough in finances TODAY. Thank you that there’s break through TODAY. Thank you that there’s Victory TODAY! Thank you that there are nets full of fish TODAY! Thank you that there is breakthrough in my loved one’s life Today!Thank you that there is freedom to walk in TODAY. Thank you that your love is here for us Today! Thank you that soul mates are making their way towards one another Today! Thank you that my friend’s heart is being changed TODAY. Thank you that new vision is being placed in his heart Today. Thank you that my loved ones are being set free Today! Thank you God that your taking care of my business Today. Thank you that you’re taking care of my rent Today. Thank you that you’re taking care of my next step Today.

Wow! Amen!:)))

2 more days …..

Love and Hugs
Missy

I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about walking for an hour when I woke up this morning. haha!

I am carrying out the “marching orders” to stand in faith by walking for an hour every day for a straight week. I’m using this time to thank God for His love, beauty, freedom, breakthrough and the picture He gave me, “nets full of fish.” No matter the actual circumstances or what happens the rest of the day…I will have spent an hour thanking God and choosing to set my mind on truth: God Loves Me…He will take care of me! Faith isn’t a neutral or passive idea…it’s a call to action. To Believe! It’s a pretty vulnerable place. You’re hoping for what is not yet seen and when you’ve been kicked out of your comfort zone it’s so easy for defeating, fearful and insecure pictures to dominate your thoughts. So, this 7-day walking adventure is like a jump start to winning the battle going on in my thought life: Fear vs. Faith.

Today’s Walk:
As I said, it wasn’t easy to get started. I woke up with about 5% enthusiasm. But, on my way to my walking spot I stopped by the Sarasota Farmer’s Market. It’s a place I’m guaranteed to find Golden puppies to pet.:)) After getting my puppy lovin’ I started tearing up. Not entirely strange for me but a little unexpected. When I reached the marina it dawned on me… God was already putting intercession on my heart. There’s such a sweetness to His presence and this is what makes me tear up. While there wasn’t anything super special about today’s walk, I did notice a growing appetite for stillness. quiet. I believe God needs me to be a little quiet and he’s calling me into it.

My sister, Bonnie Kelly, emailed me such an insightful response to yesterday’s (day 2) post! It’s so good and she said I could share it with you! Thanks Sis! You are the big whoop! (haha)

Response:
Welcome to my world:) I will never forget when God answered a desperate prayer of mine-He answered me in such a miraculous, supernatural way that I almost missed what He actually said; “I will teach you to fight.” It wasn’t until the next trial came that I began to understand what He said – and when it came I was completely flabbergasted, literally a mouth dropped open-what-tha… moment, “but I thought You set me free from this!!!!!!!” And in that still small voice He whispered, “I’m not fighting against you, I’m for you- get up, fight! TAKE what I’ve given you!” And that began my first battle lesson. Like that song says, “Welcome to the War”:)

God thank you for loving us! Thank you for the revelation that you’re not fighting against us …You are on our side! You want us to be FREE! To Fly! Thank you for teaching us! I pray you would give us strength to win the battles this week. I also pray your sweet presence would come down and soothe our hearts and give us a safe place to rest today! We love you!

Love and Hugs
Missy

A while back I vented to God about not being good at finding my way through this most recent uncharted territory. It was like God called me to the job: surviving life after being laid off and preparing to start my own company through the rubble of multiple setbacks. Can you see that on a name tag? It requires tremendous ambition and leadership strength. This is not part of my natural skill set and I was drowning. In the past, God just simply opened the door to the next job. This time has been different. I was trying so hard and it wasn’t working and I finally said, “GOD…(like, what the heck)….I’m not good at this…You created me…You Know I’m not good at this….so HELP!” Then, the thought came…”Yeah, but you are good at standing in faith….so do that…” (with the implication…right, I know, but where you are weak, I am strong…I didn’t mean for you to try and save yourself, let me do it)! In fact, he had prepared me to stand in faith! It’s a lesson God has given me a million times throughout the years. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. It’s a major theme in my life: standing in faith….believing the word God gives me…(but) surrendering the outcome!

What a relief to finally get some direction that was at least familiar. I can have faith and believe God will lead my steps. So why am I still on this roller coaster that keeps parking in a fear pit for a few days at a time? HERE’S THE NEW REVELATION: I have been trying to “coast” through a season that’s not “coast worthy.” I was familiar with faith so I thought I could passively believe. It’s like I had my hands held out with “faith” resting on my open palms making it ridiculously easy for “trials” & “fear” to simply pick it up and run away with it. Here’s the lesson: There is nothing NEUTRAL about standing in faith! Every time a life-experienced adult chooses to have the faith of a child…an Active choice is made! It’s a sacrifice! You have to surrender and often times “die” to the “practical sense” that tells you to fear, or be cautious for good reason. It’s going against tremendous pressures that give so many reasons why you shouldn’t simply believe. Let me say this again: There is nothing Neutral about standing in faith! It’s a battle to get through to the next step. It’s like the butterfly struggling with the cocoon so it will have the strength it needs to Fly. God did give me the next plan of action but rather than embracing it….I was trying to “coast.” So, it’s time for me pick up my marching orders and take a stand!

Listen to this….I’M GOING ON A FAST (of sorts)! A Faith-Walk Adventure! I’m so excited about it! I started it yesterday actually. For seven days I’m going to walk for an hour every morning dwelling on the words of faith God has given me. I’m going to literally walk out my marching orders:). No matter what I do with the rest of the day ….at least for one hour…I will be thanking God for His goodness, Love, beauty and Nets Full of Fish. The focus will be on Thanks rather than the Limitations that so easily infiltrate a neutral mind! Active Faith! Loving God! Rejoicing! I’m going to take a stand and Believe. I’m going to pray for Breakthrough and Freedom for my life and those God puts on my heart. I believe it’s a form of intercession.

This is one of the songs I listen to on this walk. It’s called Mountain of the Living God by Jason Upton. It has an inspiring lighthearted tone with the reminder that we already have access to life’s greatest joy! We can step into God’s love, beauty, joy and adventure regardless of what’s going on in our lives. It’s funny because the fact that -this- is the song that leads me into intercession prayer shows that it really is a new season in my life. Usually intercession comes from the deep caverns of my soul through brokenness. The songs I listen to usually reflect this. But this time …it’s springing up through Joy! Like the “we three queens” toast for this year:The Joy of the Lord is our Strength!

Thank you God that you give us your wisdom, strength and courage we need to head out into uncharted territory. Thank you that when we are weak, You are strong. Thank you that you didn’t leave it up to us! We need a Savior! We weren’t meant to walk alone! Speak to our hearts today Lord….we Love you!

I’ll keep you posted on this 7 day Faith Walk Adventure:)
Love and Hugs
Missy

I was writing in my journal today and thinking about Good Friday. After a few minutes, I realized God was giving me the next blog post. It still surprises me when this happens.:)

I had one of my top three Defining Moments on a Good Friday a few years back. Just before Easter weekend, I finished up a journal with an incredibly special “ending.” I was dealing with a tremendously difficult break up at the time and as God promises He was, in fact, very “close to the brokenhearted.” During this excruciatingly painful time…God was practically touchable! After such a significant ending, I knew the next journal had to be extra special. But after a week of searching, I still couldn’t find one. I started stressing about it, actually. Then, I saw a picture in my mind of God Smiling (like He was amused)!! It was odd because “why is he smiling?” Then, I felt silly for stressing over a journal. This isn’t rocket science and God is working through my own creativity …so I can’t pick the “wrong” journal. But that Smile…really stuck out in my mind…It didn’t completely make sense…it was like there was laughter behind it Hmmm…. Then, I went back to my apartment and found a journal my mom had given me SEVEN YRS prior. It was stuck between a bunch of old books. Awh…it was perfect. I remembered thinking when she gave me it to me…it was for a special chapter in my life. There was a quote from Mother Theresa on the cover, “God is the friend of silence. Trees, flowers, grass grow in silence. See the stars, moon and sun, how they move in silence.” It was just a perfect fit for that time in my life as I was very alone, overcoming the seemingly impossible and discovering the love and beauty of God in the most amazing ways. BUT HERE’S THE CRAZY AMAZING POWEFUL UNBELIEVABLE UNEXPECTED THING…….

I went to my little coffee shop and opened the journal and THIS IS WHAT I SAW!
THE SMILE FROM GOD……..

OMGOSH! It felt like God jumped out of the bushes and surprised me! When I was stressing about finding the right journal….God had something special planned. A surprise! It was like he had something up his sleeve and it made him smile in anticipation. IT’S CRAZY THAT I SAW THIS BEFORE OPENING THE JOURNAL…it was so peculiar to me! And then my parents had written, GOD SHOUTS HIS LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!! It was like I stepped into a surprise party! So I began intently thanking God with stunned reverence. Then, another strange twist… I began sensing God’s presence withdrawing….like I was doing something wrong….like maybe I was giving the wrong response. I was even more stunned and I stopped and I said with great carefulness… “okaay God” and then the thought came to mind, “if your friends jumped out and surprised you…or if you showed up to a surprise party …would you spend an hour intently thanking them with such a serious face?” WOOOW! I felt like God wasn’t letting me get away with it. I believed He was WAITING for the correct response!!!! I said very cautiously, “oookay God……um…….if someone jumped out and surprised me in fun…..I would probably say…..ummmm……you crazy nut………..(really God, can you say that to the King of kings?)……… I can’t believe you did that…….I’m gonna get you back?……” haha and then it dawned on me! God was having FUN with me!!!! In that moment, I realized my relationship with God was shallow. Another surprise…I thought it was anything but shallow but I could see that I mostly came to God with Intensity and Tears even though there’s so much more to me. I spent most of my life laughing and finding FUN in every situation except God time. I mean, I thanked God for fun times…but I never had a “fun time” with God…see what I mean? So, I took it as a challenge. I thought, I know I can’t really “get you back” God, what with you being almighty and all knowing …. but I’m going to TRY and surprise you too. The thought of it made me laugh….surprising God…impossible …but what the heck. Sounds FUN!

Fast Forward a week or so to GOOD FRIDAY! Change the tempo……I was about to experience a moment that would mark change in my life. I received a phone call from someone who handed me the kind of news that makes everything go into slow motion. It was the mother load…the enemy’s best shot….a death blow! It was my worst fear materializing and it was handled in the most painful way possible! My heart was being tortured. I hung up the phone and I had not even a second to realize I had a choice to make. I was either going to choose a path of bitterness, heartbreak and disillusionment or a path that would ultimately SET ME FREE…free from the cycles of dysfunction I kept attracting in my life. As for what happened next, absolutely nothing in -me- could have prepared me to choose well…. but I pointed my hands toward heaven and silently shouted ………….. “GOOOOOOD…..THIS IS IT….THIS IS THE TIME I’M GONNA GET YOU BACK ……haha ….I KNOW YOU THOUGHT I WOULD BE ON THE FLOOR DYING OF HEARTBREAK……BUT GOD ….I’M GOING TO THANK YOU INSTEAD….I’M GONNA PRAISE YOUR NAME …..SURPRIIIISE ……ARE YOU SURPRISED?…..YOU ARE GOOD….YOU ARE GOOOD….YOU ARE GOOD”

*teeeeeeeeeeears…………………*

You know when a child falls down and they don’t know whether they should laugh or cry? God had prepared me for this moment and he appealed to my FUN side to give me the nudge I needed to choose the path to freedom…to “laugh”! Isn’t that brilliant! He set me up to choose Life. Rather than giving in to the tormenting cycle…He WANTED TO SET ME FREE FROM IT! God Knew the seriousness of this moment! It was a dark moment of decision and if I had allowed myself to crumble…I wouldn’t have gotten back up! It took me a long while to get there but I was at the end of hope. Looking back I can see this wasn’t just about a boy…this was about breaking up with Me, my family, my dreams…everything!! In the natural, all I could see was devastation and all I could feel was unbelievable pain. But God had given me a different picture…His Smile! And then think about this….He allowed this day to happen on GOOD FRIDAY! The day he was betrayed too! The day he wept! God didn’t let me go through this alone…He shared His day of pain with me.

My resurrection day came a few months later when I got the job in Sarasota as a tourism producer….I walked out this freedom with dolphins jumping, beach side sunsets on every coast and thrilling adventures. Just as my mom had written…..GOD SHOUTS HIS LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!

God thank you for the sacrifice you made! Thank you for the pain you went through so that we might know your LOVE! God thank you that you understand our pain! Thank you for constantly looking for ways to set us FREE! Lord, thank you for also sharing your day of pain with us and just as special….YOUR SMILE! God let everyone reading this post see your smile this weekend! Let them know how much they’re loved! YOU ARE LOVED! SO VERY LOVED! GOD SHOUTS HIS LOVE FOR YOU!!!

HAPPY EASTER……HAVE FUN
Psalm 2:4: “The One enthroned in Heaven Laughs.”

Has God ever interrupted your thoughts? Out of nowhere, and completely unrelated to the bombarding thoughts waking me up a couple weeks ago, a picture of ‘nets full of fish’ came to mind. It sort of stopped my morning “I’m half asleep and not quite ready to get out of bed even though my mind is yelling the days to-do list” routine. In spite of this, God had something for me. I saw ‘nets full of fish’ and then I thought of the Luke 5 parable. Jesus’ disciple and fisherman Simon Peter was discouraged because he had worked all night and hadn’t caught any fish. But, then, Jesus suggested a spot to drop the nets again. Luke 5:6: “When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.” I saw a picture of empty nets and then FULL nets. I believed God gave me a picture to embrace. I believe God was speaking to my heart saying, ‘Believe This. Even if you don’t see it, believe it enough to be excited, FULL OF JOY’. Usually when God gives me something this clear it’s because I’m about to face a huge challenge and I will need to hold on to the picture for dear life.

Sure enough, the next week I had a total poverty-stricken melt down. (It’s much more amusing this week;)). This incredible journey full of drama, set-backs and seemingly little forward motion has somehow led me to open my own production company! Side note: It’s called Tangerine Popsicle Productions (inspiring a summer vacation state of mind). Crazy, since I’m the proverbial kid that sits in the back of the class and cuts up. While this is definitely uncharted territory for me, God continues training me to stand in faith while surrendering the OUTCOME! The outcome is in his hands and when it’s time, I’ll be prepared for whatever that is. In the meantime, I believe God is saying “be excited, and set your mind on nets full of fish.” It’s a nice alternative to the crippling fear and anxiety. So, I couldn’t stop talking about this picture. I told everyone in my life. Plus, I just opened my production company and what an amazing picture for a new business. THEN, I opened my devo for the day and it was about NETS FULL OF FISH! Wow, the picture was powerfully confirmed. (the amazing devo is below). I couldn’t believe I wasn’t getting the chance to write about something so big and significant. But the story wasn’t over. WA waaa…..

Last week, the enemy of my soul (even if that’s me) gave me a much different picture. On one particular day I was surrounded by people with nice cars, rings on their left fingers and adorable kids. My job was to act out this standard of normal in an audition. I felt so ‘heavy’ afterward I could barely drive home. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Then, I met with friends who were planning their vacations together and thoughts started colliding. I couldn’t afford a vacation like this and acting out the “standard of normal” in the audition made me feel considerably less than. I drove home and I think for the first time in my life, I felt……… POOR. REALLY POOR. Poor to the bone! Considering the numbers in my bank account over the years it’s hilarious that this thought never occurred to me before this moment. But it felt like a lifetime of struggle and unfulfilled dreams hit me at once. I cried out, “God……………………………did you forget about me?…………………………. All these many years I’ve chosen to believe you have a good plan and I’ve been trained to see the best in any situation…knowing it all works out for my best…but God…meanwhile….did you just forget about me? Did you forget about my true hearts’ desire? Did you forget to take care of me?” It was like a spin on a kaleidoscope that landed on POOR! It’s all I could see. I was inconsolable. I woke up the next morning and I was convinced I wanted to Sell the Horse.

For those of you who are reading this for the first time, I always feel I’m on the highway riding a horse next to everyone with power windows and air conditioning. I look at them and sometimes long for the smooth ride and they look at me and long for the wind in their hair…but not enough to sell the car. But I wouldn’t trade the adventure God has given me…..well, until now! If daring to go with God on this wild adventure discovering His beauty and the authentic woman He created me to be meant this…..ummm….or some would try to encourage me by saying it’s because you’re special and God has a special plan. If this is what it means to be special …then I’m ready to put up the sign:

HORSE FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, my boyfriend told me he would keep the horse for me for a while. LOL. I said “ok, thank you” snorting with laughter and wiping away only God knows how many tears. (The great thing is …He Does know how many tears).

So, isn’t it interesting that a melt down of this magnitude would happen the week after God gave me the picture of nets full of fish?!

I believe there was a powerful assignment of discouragement sent my way. But God’s encouragement was stronger! My nieces planned an impromptu road trip for a We Three Queens reunion that weekend. We had made a toast to the JOY of the Lord is our Strength in 2010 over Christmas. So, the significance of them coming up at that time is AMAZING. We BUZZED with laughter and JOY. It’s like God broke out the heavy artillery by bringing my nieces here. I’m only sharing my side but it was a powerful reunion for all of us that ended with a powerful prayer. Yeah, I said powerful again….can’t help it…there’s Power that comes with this kind of reinforced JOY.

Then this past weekend …still suffering a bit of a limp from the whole melt down….my boyfriend and I walked to the marina near my house to watch the sunset.
It was perfectly peaceful with a special kind of quiet. I was still troubled and wanting to soak up some God time…Plus my boyfriend and I were seeking answers to important questions. As we sat there in the stillness of this moment, a giant dolphin came up for a breath of air directly in front of us and then disappeared. Then a smaller one did the same thing. You could hear them both taking a deep breath before swishing back in the water. (my dolphin interpretation of the sound I heard). They didn’t surface near any other bench, just ours. It was breathtaking. I cried. I cried because it was a symbol of God’s Beauty, Blessing and Adventure and in that moment, I no longer felt poor! I knew that God hadn’t forgotten about me! This was especially meaningful for me because dolphins had a significant place in life during my 2-yr vacation job. I got to see them on every coast and it seemed to be the mascot of this blessed adventure. So, to get a glimpse of God’s nature now in such a spontaneous, unexpected moment with my boyfriend was so special. It filled our hearts with encouragement. I was overcome with God being so -present- in our lives and I could once again see that my life is Rich with His Beauty! It’s the reason I’m writing about it. The goal isn’t actually getting nets full of fish but getting closer to God along the way. Being Truly Loved. THIS is the beautiful adventure that’s worth it all.

If you’re struggling with discouragement today, I pray right now God would lift you out of it. God send your reinforcements to help them see the beautiful picture of love in their lives once again. I believe the picture of ‘nets full of fish’ is for you too. So, hold on to it. In the meantime, I pray God would send people to strengthen you with Joy. I pray He would send someone special to hold your horse for a little while until your ready to get back on and ride. God thank you for showing yourself to us in ways that are so personal and special on the deepest levels. Only you would know what it would mean for me to see that dolphin. Only you know the back story and what dolphins represent in my life. Lord, lead those discouraged today into new levels of relationship with you so they have their own “back story” with you. Send your encouraging angels, Lord. May they fight off any assignment of discouragement. Thank you for loving us.

Sending Love and Hugs your way,
Missy
(the nets full of fish devo I told you about is below)

Power Repentance
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, March 16 2010

How about you? Do you need a personal encounter with Jesus today? Ask Him to reveal His power in your work today.

Let’s Get Back On and Ride….

With failed attempts and dashed dreams I find myself hesitant to hope for God’s best around this next corner. Caution is taking the place of faith. Caution is one of those words that can be rationalized. It sounds balanced and smart. While ‘balance’ and ‘being smart’ are good things, I believe the “caution” I’m experiencing is a mask for fear and defeat. I’m not willing to actively -believe- (believe that God has a good plan, plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future…) like I did before so many back to back setbacks. There are so many scriptures that talk about not fainting at the end of the race…and words that remind us to Press On. I feel like I’m fainting into a numb, cautious mode. But when you spell it out….what good does this do? Why not have faith? because I’ve done this so many times recently…I put my heart and soul into work that failed. Why not believe? Because maybe God has more of a so-so plan for me this time. I’ve been so blessed before …maybe I’ve used up all my “blessing and favor” cards. Why not hope? because I’m emotionally, spiritually and physically drained. What happened to me???? Rather than waking up with an open heart towards God, wondering where His adventure will lead me….I let TV console and entertain me. Has it worked? Not at all!

So today, I choose to get back on the horse. I choose to throw “caution” to the wind and BELIEVE! Believe that God’s plan for my life is good! It’s good TODAY no matter the circumstances! There’s beauty for me to experience TODAY even in the midst of a murky, confusing pit. It just depends on what I choose to see! I see this “pit” as a cocoon! Let’s believe for things we don’t see yet! Let’s see the beautiful wings of a butterfly emerging from all that’s holding us back! Let’s be irrationally thankful! Why not? Being cautious with my faith has only given me the sense that life is somewhat within my control and five million zits on my face!:)

Don’t get me wrong, we may not be able to get back on the horse without God’s strength…we shouldn’t event try! But when we are weak, He is strong! So, God, I pray today you would give us strength to simply -look- in your direction. Give us strength to listen to what you might be speaking to our hearts. Like a trainer that says “give me one more push up” …God…give us strength to BELIEVE one more time! One more day! Today! There will be more to come …but today ….Lord …one more time! c’mon …you can do it! Don’t look at the long road ahead …let’s just give ‘one more’ Today! We can do it! “We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us” Lord, don’t let us faint at the end of a race. We’re asking Lord. We need you! Thank you that your word doesn’t change. You don’t have a so-so plan for us and we can’t use up our “blessing and favor” cards. Your mercy is new every morning! Help us to throw all those words that are keeping us back into the abyss today! Let’s see those words as the enemy and not you! Thank you that you are a Good God! Thank you for your beautiful adventure! Thank you for giving us eyes to see it! Thank you for giving us strength to get back up and ride…..

Love and Hugs-
Missy

(My sister directed me to an Oswald Chamber devo that is so good! I placed it in the comments)

It has been a while! Here’s what’s been going on lately:

A couple weeks ago my friend and I prayed that God would help us navigate through the storm–rather than take it away. It was just part of a longer prayer and it was a thought that was tucked away for a bit. However, I believe that’s what God has been doing in my life lately! He’s giving me new things to focus on in order to ultimately lead me to solid ground and a place of greater balance.

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

I’ve been working from home and I started getting cabin fever! I was lethargic, anemic, weak and fearful. So, I made the point to -Get Out- and exercise, run errands etc. I was hoping that energy would perpetuate energy giving me the strength I needed to be more productive overall (including my still time with God). Then I remembered the prayer about God helping us navigate -through- the storm. I’m hoping this is part of it.

During this time, it’s like God lifted my head to see a bigger picture. It came with several disjointed thoughts. First, I watched an interview with a lady who had lost something like 300 pounds. She said when you’re that big, it’s never about the diet. She also said (in my words) there’s a root cause for this problem. Which is understandable but then she said…when she dropped 300 pounds she started having dreams (nightmares) and the root cause began surfacing, exposing itself! Wow! It was interesting to me that she really didn’t know the true source of her pain and that it came out -when- she stopped stuffing it down, literally.

Between God allowing thoughts to surface and talking it out with friends, I started seeing an area in my life that needs balance. I think God may be “starving” a pattern out of my life. I believe I have an addiction to adrenaline! Not the “jump out of planes and swim with sharks” kind, but adrenaline that comes when perfectionism meets MEDIA! I’ve been conditioned to respond well and thrive under pressure, moving across the country, losing jobs and starting new ones that all tap into my adrenaline-mode. I’m conditioned to jumping in over my head, being scared to death and doing whatever it takes Make it Happen. Even (especially) if “it” is near impossible! I have unbelievable examples of this when I was a news reporter/anchor. It’s actually pretty funny!:) But I’m realizing I don’t know how to function withOUT adrenaline! I don’t even know how to wake up! When you run on adrenaline you have two speeds: (1): Mock 10 and (2) totally shut down. So all the times I’ve had a break in between jobs…I’ve been in “shut down” mode in order to recuperate just in time for the next adrenaline-ridden gig! This has been the pattern in my life for the last ten years! However, this time, I shut down and woke up to—–> Not Yet?? I’ve already recuperated. The 10 year pattern says I should have had the next solid gig 3 months ago. Without adrenaline to dictate my day … how do I even get out of bed, God?

I believe God put me on an Adrenaline Diet. Wow, it’s painful and I feel like a fish out of water! I don’t know how to function in a balanced setting! I believe God gave me a few adrenaline-inspired jobs with dead-end signs attached to show me the pattern. When I was planning the Paris shoot, it was gaining chaotic momentum and I was scared BUT I was in my element COMPLETELY! Stressed but Thriving! However, this kind of ride is taking it’s toll. While I’m thrilled by it….I also remember crying out to God so many times before about this rip-roaring roller coaster I can’t seem to exit….wondering if I’ll have the energy I need to keep going. There have been so many prayers to God simply saying, “I’m tired God, please help.”

When God said He was doing “a new thing, do you not perceive it?” He really meant it!

I believe He’s retraining me! I believe he’s teaching me to navigate through this storm with balance and peace. I’m not able to reach my familiar tools for motivation: adrenaline, fear and perfectionism. I’m a fish out of water, God. But I’ll trust you to teach me!

I pray we trust you enough to set our tools down and reach for you instead. I understand how uncomfortable this is but I’m at a place where my tools are just as uncomfortable. Lord, help us reach for you! Help us to wait on you! This is part of your incredible adventure and I’m grateful for it! Help us not to give up as we near the end of the race. Help us to simply keeping looking to you for our help and strength. Help us to keep seeing life as our beautiful adventure with You. Bring us to higher ground so we can see it once again! May you be the lifter of our heads when our racing shoes are worn out.

Love and Hugs-
PS: Thank you S.V. for reminding me to write:)))

Thank God for blue skies and 83 degree weather this Sunday! After going to my cozy house church, I went home and opened up all the windows to let the breeze in! Then with sunshine on my face and only five pages into a new book…I Conked Out for an Olympic three hour nap!! It was better than chocolate!

Last week, I was crying out to God for breakthrough! I didn’t want any more words …I was desperate for action! I’m not sure what happened between then and now but I feel like something -did- break through! I’m at peace in a way that makes me think my heart and God know something I don’t! I believe breakthrough is in the air.

I was also thinking about this pursuit of Beauty ! I explained it to some friends like this:

You know the scripture where David says something like “but one thing I ask is that I may gaze upon the beauty of the Lord all the days of my life”? This always sounded nice to me but kind of boring. I also wondered about God wanting us to stare at His beauty all the time. But then God showed me as we stare at His beauty …our lives, hearts and minds begin to reflect it. So really, God wants to make our lives BEAUTIFUL!

A while back I realized I had an unhealthy relationship with Beauty and it prompted this pursuit to find the real thing! The amazing thing is …even on the painful days (recently) I know I’ll find some beautiful treasure to pick up and take with me! To gaze upon God’s beauty …you have to -see- it …and some times you may have to look for it….and -that’s- the adventure! It’s definitely not boring!!

I believe God had me start writing about this beauty-seeking journey for those of you who want an adventure of your own! I would love to hear your stories too!:)

God’s beauty was so present in last week’s storm! My friends and family reached out to me in the most incredible ways! My mom stormed the gates of Heaven on my behalf, my dad saw a vision, my prayer warrior friend Shiela shared her God-given poem with me, friends took me on special lunches and my boyfriend’s family offered a place for me to stay if I need it! The beauty of this is.. it just seemed like God moved Heaven and Earth to reach me with His love…so I could write about a love story …even through the dark days!

Thank You!

PS God: Even though I said “no more words” …I didn’t mean it! It’s not always about the “action” it’s about the love story! I need your words! *teear*

Thank you for always bringing me back to the Love Story…to the sweet stuff…to you and me…Regardless of any outcome! —THIS— is higher ground! –This– is the revelation that places you above your enemy’s reach! Fear can’t touch this place, Lack can’t reach this place…-This- is the place to be! God…don’t let us lose sight of the love story when life is hard or uneventful! I pray today for those who haven’t recognized the Love Story in their lives …show them God! Give them hearts to understand your Love! It has just as many levels (more) than with our loved ones: humor, adventure, kindness, romance, strength! It’s so much more personal and “real” than you would think! It’s perfection! (and for girls who dream of the fairytale relationship) ..it’s the fairytale! It’s the most perfect thing we can ever experience…even if we don’t always understand it! And once we begin recognizing it …it takes the pressure off our loved ones. They can’t possibly -be- everything we need them to be…this is God’s role in our lives! So God ….may you be our hero! May we turn our eyes towards you! Show us the Love Story!

Wow! the “PS” was a word for me–didn’t realize it until I started writing it:)

Hugs and Love-