Has God ever interrupted your thoughts? Out of nowhere, and completely unrelated to the bombarding thoughts waking me up a couple weeks ago, a picture of ‘nets full of fish’ came to mind. It sort of stopped my morning “I’m half asleep and not quite ready to get out of bed even though my mind is yelling the days to-do list” routine. In spite of this, God had something for me. I saw ‘nets full of fish’ and then I thought of the Luke 5 parable. Jesus’ disciple and fisherman Simon Peter was discouraged because he had worked all night and hadn’t caught any fish. But, then, Jesus suggested a spot to drop the nets again. Luke 5:6: “When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.” I saw a picture of empty nets and then FULL nets. I believed God gave me a picture to embrace. I believe God was speaking to my heart saying, ‘Believe This. Even if you don’t see it, believe it enough to be excited, FULL OF JOY’. Usually when God gives me something this clear it’s because I’m about to face a huge challenge and I will need to hold on to the picture for dear life.
Sure enough, the next week I had a total poverty-stricken melt down. (It’s much more amusing this week;)). This incredible journey full of drama, set-backs and seemingly little forward motion has somehow led me to open my own production company! Side note: It’s called Tangerine Popsicle Productions (inspiring a summer vacation state of mind). Crazy, since I’m the proverbial kid that sits in the back of the class and cuts up. While this is definitely uncharted territory for me, God continues training me to stand in faith while surrendering the OUTCOME! The outcome is in his hands and when it’s time, I’ll be prepared for whatever that is. In the meantime, I believe God is saying “be excited, and set your mind on nets full of fish.” It’s a nice alternative to the crippling fear and anxiety. So, I couldn’t stop talking about this picture. I told everyone in my life. Plus, I just opened my production company and what an amazing picture for a new business. THEN, I opened my devo for the day and it was about NETS FULL OF FISH! Wow, the picture was powerfully confirmed. (the amazing devo is below). I couldn’t believe I wasn’t getting the chance to write about something so big and significant. But the story wasn’t over. WA waaa…..
Last week, the enemy of my soul (even if that’s me) gave me a much different picture. On one particular day I was surrounded by people with nice cars, rings on their left fingers and adorable kids. My job was to act out this standard of normal in an audition. I felt so ‘heavy’ afterward I could barely drive home. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Then, I met with friends who were planning their vacations together and thoughts started colliding. I couldn’t afford a vacation like this and acting out the “standard of normal” in the audition made me feel considerably less than. I drove home and I think for the first time in my life, I felt……… POOR. REALLY POOR. Poor to the bone! Considering the numbers in my bank account over the years it’s hilarious that this thought never occurred to me before this moment. But it felt like a lifetime of struggle and unfulfilled dreams hit me at once. I cried out, “God……………………………did you forget about me?…………………………. All these many years I’ve chosen to believe you have a good plan and I’ve been trained to see the best in any situation…knowing it all works out for my best…but God…meanwhile….did you just forget about me? Did you forget about my true hearts’ desire? Did you forget to take care of me?” It was like a spin on a kaleidoscope that landed on POOR! It’s all I could see. I was inconsolable. I woke up the next morning and I was convinced I wanted to Sell the Horse.
For those of you who are reading this for the first time, I always feel I’m on the highway riding a horse next to everyone with power windows and air conditioning. I look at them and sometimes long for the smooth ride and they look at me and long for the wind in their hair…but not enough to sell the car. But I wouldn’t trade the adventure God has given me…..well, until now! If daring to go with God on this wild adventure discovering His beauty and the authentic woman He created me to be meant this…..ummm….or some would try to encourage me by saying it’s because you’re special and God has a special plan. If this is what it means to be special …then I’m ready to put up the sign:
HORSE FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!!
Thankfully, my boyfriend told me he would keep the horse for me for a while. LOL. I said “ok, thank you” snorting with laughter and wiping away only God knows how many tears. (The great thing is …He Does know how many tears).
So, isn’t it interesting that a melt down of this magnitude would happen the week after God gave me the picture of nets full of fish?!
I believe there was a powerful assignment of discouragement sent my way. But God’s encouragement was stronger! My nieces planned an impromptu road trip for a We Three Queens reunion that weekend. We had made a toast to the JOY of the Lord is our Strength in 2010 over Christmas. So, the significance of them coming up at that time is AMAZING. We BUZZED with laughter and JOY. It’s like God broke out the heavy artillery by bringing my nieces here. I’m only sharing my side but it was a powerful reunion for all of us that ended with a powerful prayer. Yeah, I said powerful again….can’t help it…there’s Power that comes with this kind of reinforced JOY.
Then this past weekend …still suffering a bit of a limp from the whole melt down….my boyfriend and I walked to the marina near my house to watch the sunset.
It was perfectly peaceful with a special kind of quiet. I was still troubled and wanting to soak up some God time…Plus my boyfriend and I were seeking answers to important questions. As we sat there in the stillness of this moment, a giant dolphin came up for a breath of air directly in front of us and then disappeared. Then a smaller one did the same thing. You could hear them both taking a deep breath before swishing back in the water. (my dolphin interpretation of the sound I heard). They didn’t surface near any other bench, just ours. It was breathtaking. I cried. I cried because it was a symbol of God’s Beauty, Blessing and Adventure and in that moment, I no longer felt poor! I knew that God hadn’t forgotten about me! This was especially meaningful for me because dolphins had a significant place in life during my 2-yr vacation job. I got to see them on every coast and it seemed to be the mascot of this blessed adventure. So, to get a glimpse of God’s nature now in such a spontaneous, unexpected moment with my boyfriend was so special. It filled our hearts with encouragement. I was overcome with God being so -present- in our lives and I could once again see that my life is Rich with His Beauty! It’s the reason I’m writing about it. The goal isn’t actually getting nets full of fish but getting closer to God along the way. Being Truly Loved. THIS is the beautiful adventure that’s worth it all.
If you’re struggling with discouragement today, I pray right now God would lift you out of it. God send your reinforcements to help them see the beautiful picture of love in their lives once again. I believe the picture of ‘nets full of fish’ is for you too. So, hold on to it. In the meantime, I pray God would send people to strengthen you with Joy. I pray He would send someone special to hold your horse for a little while until your ready to get back on and ride. God thank you for showing yourself to us in ways that are so personal and special on the deepest levels. Only you would know what it would mean for me to see that dolphin. Only you know the back story and what dolphins represent in my life. Lord, lead those discouraged today into new levels of relationship with you so they have their own “back story” with you. Send your encouraging angels, Lord. May they fight off any assignment of discouragement. Thank you for loving us.
Sending Love and Hugs your way,
Missy
(the nets full of fish devo I told you about is below)
Power Repentance
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, March 16 2010
“When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’” (Luke 5:8-9).
Are you playing Christianity or having an encounter daily with the living Christ? Peter was going about his work-day trying to earn a day’s wage in his fishing business. Jesus showed up on the shoreline after they’d had a bad day. They had caught no fish.
Jesus asked to use his boat by casting off the shoreline in order to teach the people. After Jesus used Peter’s business for His purposes, He turned to Peter and suggested he throw his nets out again. Peter, somewhat reluctant and argumentative, said in his hallmark attitude, “Been there, done that Master … you don’t know what you’re talking about.” (my paraphrase). How many times do you and I do the same thing? “Jesus doesn’t care about my work life. He only cares about the orphans and the poor,” we say to ourselves.
When Peter’s nets are filled with fish—a strange awareness comes over him. “When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’” Peter was overwhelmed at the personal love and power that was directed specifically at his need at the moment—his ailing business. It was more than he could handle. “God even cares about the condition of my business,” Peter must have thought.
Whenever we move from playing Christianity to having a genuine encounter with the living Christ, we are confronted with our own humanity and sin compared to the unmerited love and power of Jesus Christ that is personally directed to us. It should bring us to our knees. It is an awesome experience to transition from religion to relationship. Life is never the same when you have a personal encounter with our Savior.
How about you? Do you need a personal encounter with Jesus today? Ask Him to reveal His power in your work today.
